Ideas must be concrete; they absolutely have to be. I've been holding on to one unchanging notion for so long now. I've been holding on to the notion of you and I walking through the golden-green fields of tall grass, making our own path, for over ten years now. That's longer than I've held most of my jobs. That's longer than I've held on to certain personal beliefs. Thats longer than I was interested in the Catholicism I decided to convince my family to return to when I was 7 years old. It's longer than I've held on to many ideas of salvation or growth that I once did.
I've been holding on to us for so long...
It's funny how I hold back my questions and feelings about it sometimes, that I may hold your attention longer; I hate when my words make you anxious, freeze up, and hold it all inside.
I love holding on to your physical form as much as this idea of us...but I'm learning to allow you to hold yourself and not get in your face, which is difficult, since your face and body are my power pellets. Allowing me to hold off the encroaching ghosts of fear. Allowing me to eat all of the negativity and turn it into a high score.
I've not ever held a love this strong. It's nice to finally see how to cradle it in our arms in a much better way. How to appreciate its weight, and how to support its growth and glow as it radiates forth from between us.
I will hold back neither all of my feelings nor all of my intentions. I will fight to my last breath to hold you above anything else in my heart, spirit or mind.
I'm holding on to my last threads of sanity, while the strands of patience attempt to hold fast. I'm holding out. I'm holding out for only you. I'll always hold out for you. I'll always long to hold you. I only want to hold you. It feels so good to hold you.
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